Month: May 2021

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Is being Introverted the same as being depressed?

I made this list of how depression and introversion overlap. I’m both an introvert and a person with depression. I hope this list will make you laugh!

  1. According to one study, introverts tend to wear comfortable non-decorative clothing. Depressed people also wear comfortable non-decorative clothing, often in the form of black pajamas.
  2. Introverts like to watch videos of baby animals. Depressed people like to watch videos of baby animals. Okay, everybody, even psychopaths, likes to watch videos of baby animals.
  3. Introverts ruminate. Depressed people ruminate. Apparently, extroverts don’t ruminate and they tend to win political elections. That’s something to worry and ruminate about.
  4. Introverts score low on extroversion on the Big 5 Personality Traits test. Depressed people score low on extroversion on the Big 5 Personality Traits test. This is why people think introverts are all depressed, but those people would be wrong. People who are depressed become less gregarious and don’t go out as much, but that doesn’t necessarily make them introverts generally.
  5. Introverts tend not to feel like going to big social gatherings. Depressed people also avoid parties. However, depressed people stay home and cry, while introverts stay home and do karaoke in the bathroom mirror.
  6. Introverts avoid making phone calls. Depressed people avoid making phone calls. This is a good reason to text!
  7. Introverts like to snuggle in bed and watch a good video. Depressives also like to snuggle in bed and watch videos. Introverts video choices range from musicals to horror, while depressed people tend to watch tearjerkers or porn (from my partner, also an introvert and someone with depression).
  8. Introverts tend not to be as expressive in body language and tone as extroverts. People with depression have what is called a lack of affect, which means they don’t express their emotions for other people to see them.
  9. Introverts don’t like to share their emotions with everyone. Depressed people are too tired to share their emotions.

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And then I Fxcked Mick Jagger

My therapist suggested that I get out to meet people. She suggested several support groups that I might go to. I have my doubts about the value of support groups. Is that really the only place where I can make friends? Because I am not sure if I want to be friends with a depressed alcoholic with a sex addiction. Like, I’m not sure my mother would approve if I was hanging out with these people. She’d probably try to ground me or something. “Those people are not a good influence!” she’d yell. And then, I’d storm out of the house saying, “You just don’t want me to have any friends!” Then I’d meet up with my support group buddies for a night of drinking, sex and self-loathing.

Seriously, there aren’t any conditions to be in the support group. You just have to be bad. No one is required to abstain from what they’re supposed to be abstaining from. You can get drunk the night before and show up at the meeting and be all like “I got so wasted last night, I puked in a stranger’s purse.” and then everyone claps and thanks you for sharing your story. It almost feels like an obligation to me to live vicariously for these people, so they can hear my stories and be proud of themselves for their more boring stories. It’s all about the oneupmanship at those meetings. Nobody really wants to share unless they can say, “and then I fucked Mick Jagger!” even though they only fucked someone who looked like Mick Jagger which is kind of gross, if you think about it.

The other thing about support groups is that you only have to stop doing one bad thing. You’re allowed to do other bad things. Like, if you’re in a support group for sex addicts, no one cares if you’re smoking an ounce of weed every couple of days. If that keeps you from having sex well then, “Go for it!” ‘Good for you!”

I always try to sit in the back at the meetings. You know that that’s where all the slackers are sitting. That’s where the people are who get their “I’m sober for one day” pins. There’s not a lot of follow through with the people in the back. The people in the back are going to be like, “Do you want to go have a drink after the meeting?” and I’ll be like, “Yeah, that sounds like a great idea!” and the next thing that happens isn’t any good.

I thought about going to a suppost group for people with depression. But, then I started thinking, like, what good is going to come out of this? The only productive thing I can see coming out of a group of depressed people is a suicide pact. And that’s what we’re all going there to avoid, isn’t it? They should have a group of really happy content people who sit with depressed people, like they would with a sick animal. They would have to listen to all of our woes without rolling their eyes. Ugh. I guess that’s what therapists are, except mine does roll her eyes, so maybe she just isn’t doing it right?

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9 Places to Meet People When You’re Depressed

You know how hard it is to get out and socialize when you’re depressed and your therapist suggests you get out and socialize. Here are ten places you can go to meet people where your depressed mood won’t turn people off.

  1. Support group. It doesn’t matter which one. People in support groups are often at a low point in their lives and it will be easy to just blend in. Bonus points for sharing your story
  2. Bus station. There are many people who are down and out with whom you can choose to start a conversation. In fact, you can even have a loud conversation with yourself without anyone paying attention. Granted, this does show the lack of good mental health care in the US.
  3. Car dealership. Just go and say you’re interested in buying, but you don’t know what kind of car you want. The car salesman will spend all day with you pretending she’s your friend. Just don’t buy anything.
  4. Therapist’s waiting room. The question is there for the asking….What are you here for?
  5. Blackjack table. Make sure you find the table where everyone is quiet and sullen. You’ll fit right in. You can even swear loudly without raising eyebrows. Make sure to bring lots of money if you want to stay awhile.
  6. Cemetery. All hours company from mourners in the daytime to distressed teens at night. Where could you ask for better company in the blues?
  7. Library. You don’t have to talk at all and you can bond over shushing people who are talking on their cell phones.
  8. Hospital. Stay away from the newborn section and you should be fine. Striking up a conversation with a harried nurse in the cafeteria will get your mind off your own troubles.
  9. Court. You have to be quiet while court is in session, so you don’t have to worry about making long conversations. Another instant icebreaker. What did you do? If you’re lucky, you may end up with a pen pal for three to five years.

I hope these suggestions help you on your quest to make new friends. Depression can be hard, but it is easier if you can share it with people. Do your best to live your best life!

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Hacking Habits


Our lives are made up of habitual behavior. Behavior we tend not to pay attention to unless we have a sense that something is going wrong. When we do decide something is wrong and we try to change our behavior, we tend to run into obstacles. It can feel hard to create a new good habit. But it doesn’t have to be. There are four parts of a habit that we should address when we are trying to create a new habit. These are the cue, the craving, the response, and the reward. Manipulating the four parts that help to create a new habit will help you to be successful.
Let’s start with the first part of a habit, the cue. When we want to create a new habit, we need a cue to remember we want to do it. We need to make it obvious what we are supposed to do. The easiest way to do this is to change your environment so that the cue is something you look at every day. For example, if you wanted to start a habit of taking a walk everyday, you could leave your walking shoes out where you can see them. That is your cue, your reminder, of what your habit is. You can also use an already established habit to be your cue to walk. For instance, if you are used to waking up and having a cup of coffee in the morning, you can bundle your new habit of walking with drinking your morning cup of coffee. Just lace up your shoes immediately after you have had your coffee. After doing this for a while, it’ll become second nature to lace up your shoes and go on a walk coffee.
The second part of creating a new habit is to make yourself crave the new habit. You want to want to do the new habit. So you need to make the new habit attractive. In order to do this, you can pair your habit with something you already like to do. So, if you want to create a habit of walking every morning, you could listen to some special music that you like and that you only listen to while you are taking your walk. Soon, you will pair the feeling the music evokes in you with the feeling you get from your daily walk. You’ll start craving the feeling you get when you go on your walk.
The third part of creating a habit is the response to the cue and the craving. This is the meat of your habit; the part where you take action. When you are fist starting a new habit, make it as easy as possible to follow through. You want to create a habit that you can stick to even when conditions aren’t optimal. So, instead of your end goal of walking 2 miles every day, you want to make it a habit to walk 5 minutes every day. It is very easy to walk for 5 minutes every day. Even when you don’t feel very good, a five minute walk is achievable. Start there and you can build upon that. If you get in the habit of going for a walk every morning after your coffee, you’ve done the hardest part already. You’ve shown up to do the work. Adding time to your habit once it is formed is much easier to do, once you have the habit of lacing up your shoes after coffee.
The fourth part of creating a new habit is to make it rewarding. You want to get immediate gratification for participating in your habit. Your new habit of walking might not give you immediate gratification in and of itself. You can create a reward system that does provide immediate gratification and pair it with your new habit. Your reward could be putting a dollar in your vacation fund every time you go out for your walk. I have found that the simple act of visually tracking my progress on the calendar is rewarding in itself. All the marks on my calendar showing what I accomplished each day keeps a forward momentum going. Make sure the reward feels good immediately and is visible. It helps to be able to track your progress as a way to continue your streak.


For more information about how habits can change your life read “Atomic Habits” by James Clear

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From Nothing to Something

I am a shy introverted slacker. I have no self-discipline, little motivation and a ton of fear and regret. I have made so many mistakes in life and I’m not sure how to go where I want from where I’m at. In fact, I’m not sure where I want to go. My modus operandus is to run from what I don’t want, sometimes ending up in an even worse place than where I was. I’m overweight and underemployed with no savings, no house, no retirement plan, nothing. I’m ashamed of my past, terrified of the future and spend much of the present sleeping. I am in a relationship in which I’m afraid to ask for what I want or to ask what my partner wants. We talk about nothing other than 80’s cartoons and spend the rest of our time online or vegging in front of the tv. I offer nothing to the world and am basically just waiting to die.

However, I do actually want some things, but feel that I am not disciplined enough, courageous enough, or not enough of something to get it. I want a nice comfortable house on some land. I want to be engaged with my partner. I want to be engaged with life – to feel that the things I do or don’t do matter. I want enough income to be able to travel occasionally, to take classes, to try new things. I want stability. My whole life everything I’ve had or done was only temporary. I can live in this place until something better came along. I can date or be friends with this person until I found someone who treated me better. This job is okay for now. I haven’t put any effort or thought into building a life. Every few years or so, I just get rid of everything and start from scratch. I am tired of this impermanence. I want to change from being me as a slacker to being me as satisfied and content. I want real friends, my own house, and my own work that helps the world. I want to define my terms and then live within them. I’m going to make every effort to make this happen. I’m going to stick to plans and create good habits even when they’re hard or boring. I’m going to create a new life. This is a blog dedicated to that ideal. To go from nothing to a life worth living.

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Construction Fun!!!

Last week I came home to find my front door pasted with official looking documents. I figured that my apartment had been confiscated and it was going to take up days of my time fighting an uncaring bureacracy for the remains of my furniture. It turned out to be much worse than I feared. We were served notice that a bunch of loud jack booted construction workers were going to descend upon our peace and quiet in order to replace the siding and the windows in our rented townhouse. They commandeered all the available parking spaces for a month, turned off our water for no discernible reason, banged on our walls and just popped in through the windows at irregular intervals. Neither my partner nor I do very well with people in general, and these are people we didn’t invite coming in through the windows like commandos sporting caulking guns. It is pretty terrifying. Unfortunately, my partner deals with his anxiety by yelling at me about what the workers are doing, which makes me even more anxious. I spent most of yesterday in a puddle under the bed with the cat.

Renter’s rights are sorely lacking in Oregon. The notice stated that they would access our townhouse between the reasonable hours of April 28 at 8:00am through May 10th at 5:00 pm. That is two weeks of all hours access that apparently gives them the right to invade us. It also read that neither the apartment complex nor the construction company was going to be responsible for any damage done to our property. I didn’t know that you could do that! I’m going to cancel my renter’s insurance and car insurance and just send letters out saying that I will not be responsible for any damage I do. Then I’m going to pop over to my landlord’s house, come in through the window and try to make conversation with them while they are still in they’re pajamas. This is apparently acceptable behavior nowadays! Yay! Since the contractor declined taking any responsibility for any damages, it seemed like the workers were told to inflict as much damage as possible on us. They took this as free license to grind all the hundred dollars worth of flowers we planted into sad little plant paste that will never bloom again.

I wait impatiently for the remodel to be over. I could hope that this will have a happy ending and that the new windows and siding will change my life for the better. I think the more likely scenario is that my rent will be going up. My partner and I have been talking seriously about buying some land in the desert with no utilities, because it’s all we can afford. Then we will build a house out of trash we collect. We’ll call it an earthship and it will be fabulous!

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Coloring Book for Mental Illness

I have been trying to think of business I could start from my living room because I am scared to leave my house. And I think I have come up with a winner! A coloring book for depressives! It would have pages including “The Scream” by Edvard Munch, a medieval castle, demons making a meal out of your living body, and other non-cheery subjects. The book would come with it’s own crayons, including colors such as blacker than black, night, evil, despair, blood red, puce, gray, grayer than gray, almost black, and unguent. You could order one for you and one for a family member, since one depressed family member, all depressed family members. I have to come up with a Kickstarter for this one. Tomorrow.

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Why not eat in bed???

There are times when I get so anxious, I grab some chocolate, some edibles, and climb into bed with my two cats and we all hide under the covers. I got pretty high once and sort of passed out. I woke up and found a piece of chocolate that I had dropped in the sheets. I popped it in my mouth, then realized it was not chocolate. The cats thought it was very funny.

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How to create a life worth living

If you live with depression, chronic pain, anxiety or PTSD, you probably know what it’s like to feel that you’re life isn’t worth living. Somewhere, somehow, your will to live got stunted and you have come to accept the scraps that life has given you.

You do have the power to change your life, no matter how black it may seem at times.

Change can seem like a scary proposition though. If you struggle with these chronic conditions, change has probably meant loss. However, change can also mean addition to your life. You can change your life by adding meaning, slowly, at a pace you can handle.

If you can start to imagine one thing you could do each day that will be a step in the direction you want to head in. When I was in one of my blackest periods, leaving my house was terrifying for me. I was scared of my neighbors, I was scared of clerks, I was even scared of children. I knew that in order to get better I was going to have to go outside, but I couldn’t do it. So, I just put my shoes by the front door. That was my initial step in the right direction. A couple days later, I put on my shoes. I was still in my pajamas, hadn’t showered in a week, but I had my shoes on! I took them off after a while, but I put them on the next day again. This was within the realm of what I could do successfully each day. I created a small reward for every time I took the step to create a habit. My reward was a star on my calendar, and after a month of stars, I got to take a solo drive somewhere pretty.

Eventually, when I could see no one was outside, I started walking in my pajamas. Then I started wearing jeans and a shirt, then I started waving at people who were outside. Each day I did what I could in the direction I wanted to go.

You can use this method to create habits that will get you engaged with life again! just start with the easiest step you can think of, and track yourself and reward yourself each time you do the step. Once it becomes second nature, make it a little bit harder, but still something you can easily do.

Just remember, small steps, track and reward! Change your life for the better!

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Why you shouldn’t ask yourself what will make you happy…



When you are depressed and feel stuck in life, the things that you think will make you happy are probably not what will actually make you happy. There are most likely two different trains of thought about what will make you happy.
First, you may wish for more time alone, being able to just sit and watch tv or nap. These desires may come from a sense of trying to nurture yourself, but most likely, they’re from a place where you just want to withdraw from the world.
Second, you might think that what will make you happy is something outside of yourself; more money, a new partner, an old partner, a new job, and so forth. While you might be happier with these things, getting to them seems impossibly hard. You want to just wish them into existence, because when you’re depressed, you can’t summon the energy or discipline to make these things happen.

So, if the things we think will make us happy will actually make us more miserable either through withdrawing from life or setting impossible goals, what should we ask ourselves instead?

We should ask ourselves what would enrich our lives.

Here, we’re not looking for happiness, but for ways to become more engaged with the world around us. There are studies that show that animals raised in an enriched environment are happier, judged by how much they are willing to do tasks to get food, and how much play they engage in among other things. The things that will enrich our lives are different from what we think will make us happy. We’re shifting the focus of attention to taking action, rather than wanting things. Start adding actions that will enrich your life slowly to your day. Eventually, you will start to feel happier. Not by having what you think will make you happy, but doing things to become more engaged with the world around you.