My therapist suggested that I get out to meet people. She suggested several support groups that I might go to. I have my doubts about the value of support groups. Is that really the only place where I can make friends? Because I am not sure if I want to be friends with a depressed alcoholic with a sex addiction. Like, I’m not sure my mother would approve if I was hanging out with these people. She’d probably try to ground me or something. “Those people are not a good influence!” she’d yell. And then, I’d storm out of the house saying, “You just don’t want me to have any friends!” Then I’d meet up with my support group buddies for a night of drinking, sex and self-loathing.
Seriously, there aren’t any conditions to be in the support group. You just have to be bad. No one is required to abstain from what they’re supposed to be abstaining from. You can get drunk the night before and show up at the meeting and be all like “I got so wasted last night, I puked in a stranger’s purse.” and then everyone claps and thanks you for sharing your story. It almost feels like an obligation to me to live vicariously for these people, so they can hear my stories and be proud of themselves for their more boring stories. It’s all about the oneupmanship at those meetings. Nobody really wants to share unless they can say, “and then I fucked Mick Jagger!” even though they only fucked someone who looked like Mick Jagger which is kind of gross, if you think about it.
The other thing about support groups is that you only have to stop doing one bad thing. You’re allowed to do other bad things. Like, if you’re in a support group for sex addicts, no one cares if you’re smoking an ounce of weed every couple of days. If that keeps you from having sex well then, “Go for it!” ‘Good for you!”
I always try to sit in the back at the meetings. You know that that’s where all the slackers are sitting. That’s where the people are who get their “I’m sober for one day” pins. There’s not a lot of follow through with the people in the back. The people in the back are going to be like, “Do you want to go have a drink after the meeting?” and I’ll be like, “Yeah, that sounds like a great idea!” and the next thing that happens isn’t any good.
I thought about going to a suppost group for people with depression. But, then I started thinking, like, what good is going to come out of this? The only productive thing I can see coming out of a group of depressed people is a suicide pact. And that’s what we’re all going there to avoid, isn’t it? They should have a group of really happy content people who sit with depressed people, like they would with a sick animal. They would have to listen to all of our woes without rolling their eyes. Ugh. I guess that’s what therapists are, except mine does roll her eyes, so maybe she just isn’t doing it right?