Tag: mental health

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Is being Introverted the same as being depressed?

I made this list of how depression and introversion overlap. I’m both an introvert and a person with depression. I hope this list will make you laugh!

  1. According to one study, introverts tend to wear comfortable non-decorative clothing. Depressed people also wear comfortable non-decorative clothing, often in the form of black pajamas.
  2. Introverts like to watch videos of baby animals. Depressed people like to watch videos of baby animals. Okay, everybody, even psychopaths, likes to watch videos of baby animals.
  3. Introverts ruminate. Depressed people ruminate. Apparently, extroverts don’t ruminate and they tend to win political elections. That’s something to worry and ruminate about.
  4. Introverts score low on extroversion on the Big 5 Personality Traits test. Depressed people score low on extroversion on the Big 5 Personality Traits test. This is why people think introverts are all depressed, but those people would be wrong. People who are depressed become less gregarious and don’t go out as much, but that doesn’t necessarily make them introverts generally.
  5. Introverts tend not to feel like going to big social gatherings. Depressed people also avoid parties. However, depressed people stay home and cry, while introverts stay home and do karaoke in the bathroom mirror.
  6. Introverts avoid making phone calls. Depressed people avoid making phone calls. This is a good reason to text!
  7. Introverts like to snuggle in bed and watch a good video. Depressives also like to snuggle in bed and watch videos. Introverts video choices range from musicals to horror, while depressed people tend to watch tearjerkers or porn (from my partner, also an introvert and someone with depression).
  8. Introverts tend not to be as expressive in body language and tone as extroverts. People with depression have what is called a lack of affect, which means they don’t express their emotions for other people to see them.
  9. Introverts don’t like to share their emotions with everyone. Depressed people are too tired to share their emotions.

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And then I Fxcked Mick Jagger

My therapist suggested that I get out to meet people. She suggested several support groups that I might go to. I have my doubts about the value of support groups. Is that really the only place where I can make friends? Because I am not sure if I want to be friends with a depressed alcoholic with a sex addiction. Like, I’m not sure my mother would approve if I was hanging out with these people. She’d probably try to ground me or something. “Those people are not a good influence!” she’d yell. And then, I’d storm out of the house saying, “You just don’t want me to have any friends!” Then I’d meet up with my support group buddies for a night of drinking, sex and self-loathing.

Seriously, there aren’t any conditions to be in the support group. You just have to be bad. No one is required to abstain from what they’re supposed to be abstaining from. You can get drunk the night before and show up at the meeting and be all like “I got so wasted last night, I puked in a stranger’s purse.” and then everyone claps and thanks you for sharing your story. It almost feels like an obligation to me to live vicariously for these people, so they can hear my stories and be proud of themselves for their more boring stories. It’s all about the oneupmanship at those meetings. Nobody really wants to share unless they can say, “and then I fucked Mick Jagger!” even though they only fucked someone who looked like Mick Jagger which is kind of gross, if you think about it.

The other thing about support groups is that you only have to stop doing one bad thing. You’re allowed to do other bad things. Like, if you’re in a support group for sex addicts, no one cares if you’re smoking an ounce of weed every couple of days. If that keeps you from having sex well then, “Go for it!” ‘Good for you!”

I always try to sit in the back at the meetings. You know that that’s where all the slackers are sitting. That’s where the people are who get their “I’m sober for one day” pins. There’s not a lot of follow through with the people in the back. The people in the back are going to be like, “Do you want to go have a drink after the meeting?” and I’ll be like, “Yeah, that sounds like a great idea!” and the next thing that happens isn’t any good.

I thought about going to a suppost group for people with depression. But, then I started thinking, like, what good is going to come out of this? The only productive thing I can see coming out of a group of depressed people is a suicide pact. And that’s what we’re all going there to avoid, isn’t it? They should have a group of really happy content people who sit with depressed people, like they would with a sick animal. They would have to listen to all of our woes without rolling their eyes. Ugh. I guess that’s what therapists are, except mine does roll her eyes, so maybe she just isn’t doing it right?

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Hacking Habits


Our lives are made up of habitual behavior. Behavior we tend not to pay attention to unless we have a sense that something is going wrong. When we do decide something is wrong and we try to change our behavior, we tend to run into obstacles. It can feel hard to create a new good habit. But it doesn’t have to be. There are four parts of a habit that we should address when we are trying to create a new habit. These are the cue, the craving, the response, and the reward. Manipulating the four parts that help to create a new habit will help you to be successful.
Let’s start with the first part of a habit, the cue. When we want to create a new habit, we need a cue to remember we want to do it. We need to make it obvious what we are supposed to do. The easiest way to do this is to change your environment so that the cue is something you look at every day. For example, if you wanted to start a habit of taking a walk everyday, you could leave your walking shoes out where you can see them. That is your cue, your reminder, of what your habit is. You can also use an already established habit to be your cue to walk. For instance, if you are used to waking up and having a cup of coffee in the morning, you can bundle your new habit of walking with drinking your morning cup of coffee. Just lace up your shoes immediately after you have had your coffee. After doing this for a while, it’ll become second nature to lace up your shoes and go on a walk coffee.
The second part of creating a new habit is to make yourself crave the new habit. You want to want to do the new habit. So you need to make the new habit attractive. In order to do this, you can pair your habit with something you already like to do. So, if you want to create a habit of walking every morning, you could listen to some special music that you like and that you only listen to while you are taking your walk. Soon, you will pair the feeling the music evokes in you with the feeling you get from your daily walk. You’ll start craving the feeling you get when you go on your walk.
The third part of creating a habit is the response to the cue and the craving. This is the meat of your habit; the part where you take action. When you are fist starting a new habit, make it as easy as possible to follow through. You want to create a habit that you can stick to even when conditions aren’t optimal. So, instead of your end goal of walking 2 miles every day, you want to make it a habit to walk 5 minutes every day. It is very easy to walk for 5 minutes every day. Even when you don’t feel very good, a five minute walk is achievable. Start there and you can build upon that. If you get in the habit of going for a walk every morning after your coffee, you’ve done the hardest part already. You’ve shown up to do the work. Adding time to your habit once it is formed is much easier to do, once you have the habit of lacing up your shoes after coffee.
The fourth part of creating a new habit is to make it rewarding. You want to get immediate gratification for participating in your habit. Your new habit of walking might not give you immediate gratification in and of itself. You can create a reward system that does provide immediate gratification and pair it with your new habit. Your reward could be putting a dollar in your vacation fund every time you go out for your walk. I have found that the simple act of visually tracking my progress on the calendar is rewarding in itself. All the marks on my calendar showing what I accomplished each day keeps a forward momentum going. Make sure the reward feels good immediately and is visible. It helps to be able to track your progress as a way to continue your streak.


For more information about how habits can change your life read “Atomic Habits” by James Clear

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Why you shouldn’t ask yourself what will make you happy…



When you are depressed and feel stuck in life, the things that you think will make you happy are probably not what will actually make you happy. There are most likely two different trains of thought about what will make you happy.
First, you may wish for more time alone, being able to just sit and watch tv or nap. These desires may come from a sense of trying to nurture yourself, but most likely, they’re from a place where you just want to withdraw from the world.
Second, you might think that what will make you happy is something outside of yourself; more money, a new partner, an old partner, a new job, and so forth. While you might be happier with these things, getting to them seems impossibly hard. You want to just wish them into existence, because when you’re depressed, you can’t summon the energy or discipline to make these things happen.

So, if the things we think will make us happy will actually make us more miserable either through withdrawing from life or setting impossible goals, what should we ask ourselves instead?

We should ask ourselves what would enrich our lives.

Here, we’re not looking for happiness, but for ways to become more engaged with the world around us. There are studies that show that animals raised in an enriched environment are happier, judged by how much they are willing to do tasks to get food, and how much play they engage in among other things. The things that will enrich our lives are different from what we think will make us happy. We’re shifting the focus of attention to taking action, rather than wanting things. Start adding actions that will enrich your life slowly to your day. Eventually, you will start to feel happier. Not by having what you think will make you happy, but doing things to become more engaged with the world around you.