When you are depressed and feel stuck in life, the things that you think will make you happy are probably not what will actually make you happy. There are most likely two different trains of thought about what will make you happy.
First, you may wish for more time alone, being able to just sit and watch tv or nap. These desires may come from a sense of trying to nurture yourself, but most likely, they’re from a place where you just want to withdraw from the world.
Second, you might think that what will make you happy is something outside of yourself; more money, a new partner, an old partner, a new job, and so forth. While you might be happier with these things, getting to them seems impossibly hard. You want to just wish them into existence, because when you’re depressed, you can’t summon the energy or discipline to make these things happen.
So, if the things we think will make us happy will actually make us more miserable either through withdrawing from life or setting impossible goals, what should we ask ourselves instead?
We should ask ourselves what would enrich our lives.
Here, we’re not looking for happiness, but for ways to become more engaged with the world around us. There are studies that show that animals raised in an enriched environment are happier, judged by how much they are willing to do tasks to get food, and how much play they engage in among other things. The things that will enrich our lives are different from what we think will make us happy. We’re shifting the focus of attention to taking action, rather than wanting things. Start adding actions that will enrich your life slowly to your day. Eventually, you will start to feel happier. Not by having what you think will make you happy, but doing things to become more engaged with the world around you.